What a difference a decade can make.
Dave finally got me out on what I call “the big boat,” on March 1, 2018. I was terrified. Not a natural boat person myself, I was scared about everything and anything that could go wrong. He had spent the previous five years helping me to feel safe in the small boat, and I just wanted to go back to being in the small boat.
He tried telling me how much safer we were in a bigger boat, among other things, in an effort to ease my fear, but the only thing I could think of, was how scared I was. Then out of the blue, I thought of something I had heard years before and had recently began to put in to practice – love it or fear it.
When I first heard someone say that our reactions or feelings about something either stem from a place of love or a place of fear, I thought they were a little “out there.” The first time I experienced seeing this truth, I was blown away. I guess this notion “blew me out there” with this other person, because I got it. It took me a couple of years, but by golly, I got it! And once you get it, I think you will be amazed.
So I thought about this while out there feeling frantic, and decided to give it a try. There was no doubt about it, I was coming from a place of fear, so I searched for a place of love, from which I could see things instead. I started thinking, okay, Dave loves boating, he grew up boating, he knows how to boat, I love Dave. My ego tried to interject with, yeah, and I love me, too and I want to live! I answered it with a very practical solution – well then put on a life jacket. And I did.
Having a bright orange flotation device fastened about my person, gave me some security, so I started again. Okay, Dave loves boating, I love Dave, Dave loves me, we both love nature, and animals, and beautiful scenery, and I started naming all the things we were seeing. Taking in the beauty of God’s seemingly magical creations, I was no longer thinking of being frightened, and instead, was thinking of how awesome it is that my husband and I share the same love for things. Before I knew it, I was making a mental gratitude list, which included being thankful that we survived the last ten years, staying together.
I went on to thank God for changing us, so we could stay together, and for helping us get to the best place we have ever been in our relationship. By the time I realized my immense gratitude for the fact that we both love God, I was actually having a pretty good time. I relaxed just enough to take a photo without the life jacket smothering my face, and then right back on it went.
Dave was happy to hear at the end of the ride that yes, it was fun, and that next time I will let him take me out on the ocean.